Gosh…. It has been three years since I have seen your beautiful faces. Three years since I’ve hugged you. Three years since the devil played his hand. And not a day goes by that I don’t miss you. Not a day goes by that the pain isn’t too real.
And still, not a day goes by that God does not teach us something new due to the presence of your absence. As time moves forward for most of the world, it plays tricks on my heart, moving me simultaneously further from you and closer to you (in eternity).
This year the wisdom that stands most prominent is that pain produces purpose. The painful circumstances in this world should break our hearts (“break my heart for what breaks yours”). They should be remembered because they retune our hearts to the things that are truly meaningful. When we remember the weight of tragedy we are blessed with spiritual wake-up calls.
In contrast, when we’re too scared to visit our pain, we prevent it from growing purpose. Can we all look in the mirror this week and ask God to reveal to us what we’ve been unwilling to face? Every year (multiple times but especially at the anniversary) I think back to the moments of horror. “No one made it- they’re all gone”, “Everything is gone, you won’t find things (to remember them by)”, “what horrors did they face?”. I hate to go back. And still, I want to go back- I have to go back.
Going back helps me to love better and live better and learn better where I am- Klark and Kharis and little Roo have no idea how blessed they are! We are so grateful for all of you who are willing to walk with us and remember. And still, we can’t make these trips through time without living in the here and now and being whole for those we are blessed to call “ours” on this earth. Our family in heaven doesn’t need us now, but you do, and we need you too. My encouragement is to not be scared of the time travel and to feel the pain- Jesus holds us in all those painful moments and catches our tears ❤
Just shy of 3 years ago, we worshipped Facebook live. And in prayer at the end God whispered to my heart that “this is too big for something good not to come from it”. God, in His graciousness has allowed us a role in assigning purpose to this tragedy and to their lives. We embrace being the bearers of their legacy ❤ Just shy of 2 years ago; we redeemed the property the devil had tried to make into a haunt by renewing our vows at the very location of the tragedy and announcing our pregnancy. Just over 1 year ago (16months), God blessed us with identical twin boys,
This year, we have chosen to help redeem the date of 2/11. Please listen to wordfm 88.7, 88.9 (www.wordfm.org) on 2/11/25. In remembering our tragedy, we support their platform and remind the world that “even if” He doesn’t answer in the way we want Him to, He is still bigger. Our pain refocuses us on needing Jesus to come in and fix this world’s brokenness.
As a good friend often says, “I never want to forget”! Thank you all for remembering with us ❤