Why cookies are eaten with milk

I’d like to share an experience with you all this morning that can give you a glimpse into our lives:

I have a long history with Pen Argyl’s Labor Day parade. I started marching in it when I was in 7th grade and continued through high school. I marched it a few times as an alumnus too. Growing up in a small town, created a deep-seated pride in the green and white. I can’t listen to Louie Louie or the Hey song and not mark time. I also can’t watch a maroon blur pass me and not think “dig, dig” “leave ‘em there”. There is a contrast in the color, a meeting of conflict as it should be, first pressing one way and then the other with the ingrained playfulness that includes spirit weeks, pep rallies, and massive painted feet leading up the mountain. Now, there is a remembrance in my soul and a longing for that time when life was simpler and I was first learning that conflict is what makes us appreciate the beauty and belonging.

I can’t think about high-school marching band and not remember that one Pen Argyl Bangor game that ended in double overtime with the score of 13-12. We won in case you wanted to know ;p I remember that feeling as if it were yesterday. Victory had never tasted so sweet! It was sweet because we had never overcome such insurmountable conflict before. Neither of our teams was top that year, but it didn’t matter. The rivalry pulled out our school spirit.

I know that I need to wind back my reverie because I am about to lose my non-competitive audience, and my Bangor friends likely have too many comments already. There is a reason I share these memories. They remind me of a spiritual truth and that is this, the tension of differences and struggles draw out the best in life.
1. We appreciate sunny days because we have rain
2. (I’m pretty sure) My family in AZ would tell you that they think of rain as the miracle and appreciate it more because of their obnoxious amount of sun
3. Sweets taste sweeter when we pair them with milk instead of soda- cookies and milk belong together! (someone please explain this to Carlos?)
4. We have to climb up the mountain to sled down it.
5. Driving places becomes a blessing when we get a car back after it spent two weeks in the shop.
6. Living in a post-highschool education environment makes us understand what a blessing our homelife was/is (these two end up reversed when our home life is/was a struggle)
7. In my lifetime, the U.S.A. was never more banded together than it was on 9/12/2001
Simply put, conflict and struggle raise our awareness and appreciation of beauty. I don’t think there is a single aspect of life in which this is not true. You may disagree with one or two of the things above, but the “rule” proves accurate.
I’d love for you to comment with what conflict has recently caused you to recognize the blessing(s) in your own life?

School spirit seems like a silly example when compared to our world in the present day. It is so torn left VS right, and right VS left. The consequences of this polarization have been vastly detrimental to us all. Our labels, assumptions and anger have continued to be catalysts for awful things to occur. But this world is not as simple as politics lead us to believe, we are not either right or wrong, we are not either right or left. The human heart is way too complex to simplify. And the same premise that applies to cookies and milk is true here too. We need each other and we need conflict to help us see Jesus. I’d like to share a deeper personal example now.

Some of the grandparents and I took my boys to the parade this past Labor-Day. This sounds simple, and it is simple for many of you. We go, celebrate America, clap, yell, watch the guys driving their go-karts, and leave with so much more candy than I remember being thrown when I was a kid. My toddlers were sufficiently exhausted!

It’s not simple for me anymore. Going to the parade requires that I have conversations with myself, and they go something like this:
“Markie, you will see firetrucks. You will hear their blaring horns, and reflect their lights. Markie, you will not get their sound out of your ears for the remainder of the week. Markie, it is likely that some of these people were at your house that awful night. Markie, it is likely that the very first company to respond the night that you lost everything (the one in your previous hometown) will drive right in front of your eyes and you can’t make a soul understand the gut punch that comes with the angst of knowing that these men carried your children out of their earthly home for the very last time. Markie, you’ll simultaneously want to blind your eyes to their existence and give them the biggest hug for their rescue efforts (we are so grateful for them!).”

That day, one person had an inkling of this heart squeeze. She stood next to me as “Kunkletown” in big, beautiful, awful, amazing letters passed by my eyes, but she still can’t know. No one does.

Before the parade started this year one of “my kids” came up to me and said hi. (P.S. If you are reading this and you are the parent of children who were in my children’s ministry, were part of the preschool that I taught Bible Buddies to and/or were one of my camp kids, I hope you don’t mind that I still consider your kids “mine”. I could never love them like you do, but I do love them so much!). When he walked up to me, I couldn’t believe that he is very nearly as tall as his mom! I still recognized him and remembered his family, but I didn’t remember that he was in Kathryn’s year…

If you look back a few blogs, I really really struggled with the fact that I couldn’t imagine what my KGRs might look like entering school this year. Do you want to know what I learned through this encounter? I learned that they remember some of the things I taught and enjoyed the lessons still to this day. I also learned that they talk about Kathryn “often”. There are tears as I write this. Yes, it was a bittersweet interaction. They always are.

It means so so so so much to me when someone, anyone, remembers my babies and so the level of gratitude that I have for their decision to step into that uncomfortable place and tell me these things is inexplicable. To all of you who suffer alongside of us but refuse to forget and move on, please know that we appreciate your willingness to stand in the tension! I can’t imagine the roads that you have had to walk in the wake of this tragedy. Please know that we’d love to hear the things you’re remembering too. It will hurt, but it hurts regardless. It doesn’t go away. I wouldn’t want the pain to go away because if it did, so would their memory.

Back to my purpose in sharing all of this with you… I couldn’t have enjoyed the time with my boys had I not inserted myself into a situation that would prove to have conflicting emotions. It comes as a package deal. We all have a choice; we can embrace the joy that comes in this world knowing that it will bring sadness (thereby choosing to embrace both). Or, we can choose to have neither. I’m sorry, it is not possible to choose only the joy, but there is a richness that comes when we’re willing to step into the pit of darkness that is not available in the shallows of life. His presence is there. He is always there. He is the richness of love and hope and joy and yes, even sadness.

No matter which conflicts of life we are talking about, we will embrace them if we desire growth because all growth starts in darkness- a seed in the ground, a baby in the womb, and Jesus in the tomb. If your primary focus is to convince everyone else to see things the way you do (to come to your side), you won’t grow- you might as well pick up a segment of a tug-o-war rope that is tied off at both ends.

Perhaps a greater measure of our spiritual maturity is whether we’re willing to listen to those who see things differently than we do and try to understand their hearts rather than listening to respond in argument. I wish our adult conflicts were as simple and fun as green&white VS maroon&white, but they’re not. We can choose to learn from that model though. We are called to love the people we disagree with. Jesus lived in that tension. He listened. He asked questions desiring everyone to gain a clearer understanding of the dark corners of their own hearts. He does the same for us today- Jesus uses the tension and conflict of life to ask us questions of ourselves, to get us to explore, and ultimately to grow us to be more like Him.

Some of the greatest blessings of life are available ONLY in life’s greatest conflicting moments. I choose to live and love in that tension. Do you?

Thank you, Dad, mom, Kathryn, Kaleb, Kristian, and Kasper for continuing to teach me these things from heaven. Thank you for teaching me to “Keep Going, Really”

~ A daughter in the pit with her Abba