Even IF

Today’s blog will be hard- a look into Daniel 3. Hang in there please because things need to be said, heard, reflected on, and marinated in. To understand the heart of a forbearing griever we need to understand this text (A reminder to look back at last week’s blog to define “griever” more fully- we are not only those who have lost to death).

Here is a summarized background to lead into our text: Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were captives in Babylon. These are the same noblemen who were chosen to serve in the king’s court. They have already astounded the king’s chief official by insisting on ritually clean foods and still proving stronger and more knowledgeable than their counterparts. They have also increased their position due to their wisdom, loyalty, and Daniel’s interpretation of the king’s dream. Our text comes right after the king has demanded that they worship a golden image. When the young men refuse to comply, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are turned in, and the consequence is to be thrown into the king’s furnace. The fire was so hot that the guards who threw them in died as a result.

Daniel 3:24 Then Nebuchadnezzar the king [looked and] was astounded, and he jumped up and said to his counselors, “Did we not throw three men who were tied up into the midst of the fire?” They replied to the king, “Certainly, O king.” 25 He answered, “Look! I see four men untied, walking around in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt! And the appearance of the fourth is like [d]a son of the gods!” 26 Then Nebuchadnezzar approached the door of the blazing furnace and said, “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, servants of the Most High God, come out [of there]! Come here!” Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego came out of the midst of the fire. 27 The satraps, the prefects, the governors and the king’s counselors gathered around them and saw that in regard to these men the fire had no effect on their bodies—their hair was not singed, their clothes were not scorched or damaged, even the smell of smoke was not on them.

For those of you who grew up in church like me, isn’t (wasn’t) this one of our all-time favorite stories?! Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego show us what it means to stand strong for what we believe in despite pressure to concede, to overcome pure evil, and to win souls for the Lord through the miracle of it all! I know that I have thought, heard, and been taught things similar to “This is how I want to respond in the fires of adversity when my faith is tested- God does miraculous things with faith like theirs! I won’t bow to idols either!”.

I remember the first time I heard this preached post-tragedy. I remember fleeing the sanctuary and going to sit on the stairs outside. I remember staring at the sun sinking below the horizon and the glorious sunset it created knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that the same God who created the uncontainable beauty of that sky is also all-powerful. He is completely sovereign. So how do I make peace with this text?! The Lord chose miraculous rescue for Daniel’s friends. But for my babies?! He chose to rescue them, but not until after they faced the torment of pain and fear. Too, His rescue removed them from my arms of love and care. This previously beloved story felt like a slap in the face then and for quite some time afterward.

Although I miss my children immeasurably, much of the time I am able to come to peace with the fact that they are no longer here. I can imagine the beauty of our reunion when I too get to live in eternity with all seven (hopefully eight) of our children. From that (timeless) perspective, I can acknowledge that my eternity is more blessed than it was pre-tragedy because “Heaven Changes Everything”. The ache of longing hurts indescribably though.

I wrestle most with the manner of their death. I hate hate hate that they suffered so indescribably. I was once told that “they didn’t suffer because they were children”. I don’t believe that for a moment- this broken world does not discriminate, and the devil has a way of attacking the innocent as a means of terrorizing and torturing all of our hearts. I hate that I could not have comforted them in those moments even had I been there. When I cycle through this line of thought, I have to park my heart in the truth that Jesus was holding them. I fully believe he held onto each and every one of them in those terrorizing moments until they entered those pearl gates. They suffered. How much did He suffer witnessing their pain and torment? He knew it would be over soon; He also knew that their momentary pain (and our extended emotional pain) would serve a purpose far greater than we will understand until we witness the timeless glory of Heaven. He loves them much more than I… And still, He soaked in the terror of those moments so that they were not alone. I choose to picture His tears (like the ones He shed for Mary and Martha) as He held each of them that night.

On my way up to my house on 2/11/22 I remember vividly turning my music off and saying “please don’t ask this of me” out loud as I thought about each one of my loved ones in that house. Maybe a part of me knew why I wasn’t driving to the hospital…? My words and attitude in those moments implied “even if”. I was requesting for God to not choose the path of loss for us because I didn’t want to walk it. No one does. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said something similar prior to being thrown into the fire. Let’s rewind a bit and look at the text prior to their miraculous rescue:

Daniel CH 3 (AMP) 16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego answered the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to answer you on this point. 17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to rescue us from the furnace of blazing fire, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. 18 But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up!”

“IS ABLE… EVEN IF He does not” Soak those few words in. Read them over and over and over…. God is able to fulfill the miracle that you have been crying out to Him for too! We have enough evidence to know this to the very core of our being. It is right and good for us to communicate the depth of our desire for these things to come to fruition. There is an undeniable beauty in the plea of children loving their daddy in dependent request. But we (as the church) have twisted this somehow. We have turned it into an exchange. Too often we love Him not for who He is but for what He has done and what He can do for us. Isn’t this apparent when we decide that our claim in faith means He MUST intercede?

To explain it another way, let me present you with a rhetorical question….. Have you ever made healing in mind, body, soul or relationship an idol? If these young men had said “God is going to rescue my body from the fire, so I don’t need to follow your orders” It is true that they would be refusing to bow down to the idol the king had made, but wouldn’t they instead be placing their allegiance in their rescue and not God’s plan for their lives? Changed only slightly it would be worshipping a different idol, wouldn’t it? The idol of rescue. Those two words “even if” mark the difference between a request and an expectation.

Pride that we know God’s plan and can claim things in faith so that He is obligated into action pretends to make our knowledge greater than His, doesn’t it? He is NOT a genie in a bottle. In this instance, God saw fit to rescue their bodies and that rescue turned an entire nation’s eyes upon the one true God. That was God’s plan. But what about my life circumstances? What about yours? Personally, I know our story would’ve crashed and burned (pun intended with a gut punch) had our babies survived in body that night. God’s glory is being revealed in a much more beautiful and large way through their loss. Let me be vulnerable with you (and the rest of the world wide web)- I can acknowledge all the good our loss has grown, I can imagine the good He will continue to grow through it, and I will even continue to be a driving force within His will with the outcome of our awful loss, BUT, I will never be okay with the means to get us there. There will not be a day on this side of heaven that I pray “Thank you for the loss of my family”. I will, however, say “thank you for my growth, thank you for redemption, thank you for the salvations that have come through all the awful, thank you for the inspiration we can be to others, and thank you for the glory and reunion of heaven”!

I contend with this passage post tragedy because rescue is no longer my focus. “Even if” is. In essence they said, “I know God can save us, but whether He does or doesn’t we will bow down to no one but Him”. I will follow His path, yoked to His plan, even, and especially when “I walk through the shadow of death”
I encourage you to do so too, to Keep Going, Really!


Please check out the following worship songs which are so relevant to today’s topic:
More than anything- Natalie grant
Even if- Mercy Me
Still- Steven Curtis Chapman (look up the story of the death of his daughter)
Hallelujah Anyway- Rend Collective
Signed,
~Mama on a mission